What’s past is prologue

Not going to lie: I am the absolute worst at journaling.

Not the absolute worst, maybe; I do manage to have some posts, sometimes. But keeping it up is a habit, and I’ve never had much skill with those. And, honestly, I rather expect this to end up going the same way most of my attempts do: sporadic bursts of SHARING ALL THE THINGS and then nothing at all.

This pattern does exist for a reason. It is a reason I am developing both a growing acceptance of, bewilderment about, and some amount of weary… not quite resentment, not quite anger, but something between them towards it, with just a dash of resignation. Not, however, resignation about results. I know what to do and how to move forward, and I think I have some chance of doing so for the first time in quite literally more years than I am certain of anymore.

My dad suggested I write about what happened to me, because whenever I describe it to him, he’s fascinated and learns more. The last time I kept any kind of online journal, I kind of avoided going into it because I really was not at a point where I felt comfortable going into it. I’m starting to. And I think maybe it’s time to go ahead and have something out there, because why not.

This is my space. This will mean two things. First, I will be writing a lot about mental health, but I will also write about pretty much whatever I feel like. There will be a lot on books, games, things that catch my eye in general. Second, I will moderate it as I see fit. If you are reading it and have concerns about its safety, send me a message. I want this to be a place of acceptance and openness. If you disagree with me, someone else, or something, you may–but be aware I 100% reserve the right to punt nastiness out a window.

The last time I approached this–a little under three and a half years ago, it looks like–I wrote an information post. A lot of it is still relevant.

I’m giving this ‘has a blog-journal’ thing another go.

I am thoroughly—even painfully—aware that I am unlikely to make it work. There are any number of reasons (first and foremost, of course, being empirical evidence). But it has been repeatedly observed that I work best with a schedule, and maybe if I can actually force myself to write a little every day, non-attempt-at-fiction, it’ll help my brain.

This was not my idea, originally. I got a journal partly to play with, post and share writing with, and mostly to follow the lead of a loved one. Once that wasn’t a concern, my regularity eventually dropped off. I haven’t posted in something approaching two years, and then mere trivialities. This time it needs to be for me. I am known among my friends for my loquaciousness, not being afraid to say what I think, and (if I’m in the mood) refusing to let go of an argument until I win or it dies a savage, bloody death. I’m not sure why I don’t write, ‘speak’ all those random thoughts ‘out loud,’ as it were. Maybe I should.

So these entries will be all over the place, some daily minutiae, some Thinky Thoughts, some fandom flailing, some RP and/or writing thoughts, LARPing and tabletop stories, maybe book or movie reviews (‘fandom flailing’), hopefully some personal growth, some politics or philosophy or mathematics or what have you, some more emotional stuff.

Some of the goals have changed since then, and there should probably be more. But that’s the really relevant portion.

Hello, internet. Interesting to meet you.

My name is Lee.

This is my life.


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